


Muse - Music

by Pho3nixqu33n



Series: Muse [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Humor, Artist Clarke Griffin, Californication Meets Clexa, Clexa, Domestic Fluff, Drama & Romance, F/F, Family Feels, Female Relationships, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll, Writer Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-01 21:25:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16292084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pho3nixqu33n/pseuds/Pho3nixqu33n
Summary: After being away for three years, Lexa finds her way back home to her people and Clarke. A lot has happened but some things never change.Same same but better.





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go again, folks. Thanks for joining me on this ride! :-)
> 
> Warning:Mention of minor character death and of non Clexa relationships.

“Our first guest this evening is a winner of the Man Booker prize and one of my favorite living novelists. Please welcome back to the show, Lexa Woods!” 

The crowd cordially welcomes the writer, famous not only for her novels, but also for her scandals and high-profile affairs. The writer has been laying low since the she returned to New York from her stint in Europe with Costia after the Venice Film Festival which was after her solitary summer spent in the desert of the Southwest. The writer then met up with the actress and their friendship developed into a sort of romance. Lexa sincerely cared for her friend and still does, but after six months decided to end it on a good note before it had a chance to get ugly. Costia returned to LA to work and Lexa to New York to write. After the host kisses the writer’s hand, she feigns swooning as he leads her to her seat setting the tone for the rest of the interview.

“It’s great to see you.”  
“Always good to see you, Stephen.”  
“I think the last time you were here you wore the same exact outfit.” The audience laughs.  
“I wouldn’t doubt it. I’m also pretty sure I was slightly inebriated.” he looks to the camera mouthing ‘wasted’ and the audience is amused.  
“Sounds accurate. Are you drunk now?”  
“Not, tonight. I promised my agent.”  
“Well would your agent mind if we shared a night cap, because what would be an interview with you without a glass of scotch.” The audience cheers as he pulls out a top shelf aged bottle of Lexa’s preferred Johnnie Walker Black Label.  
“Stephen how did you know?” she jests.  
“Oh well, I’ve got my methods” he hands her a glass and Lexa smells the smoky allure of the spirit that she hasn’t indulged in for quite some time. “Here you go, m’lady. Salud!” their glasses clink and Lexa takes a sip as her counterpart downs the entire glass causing the crowd and the writer to roar with laughter. “Is it not to your liking?” he asks looking at her full glass.  
“On the contrary, I’m simply allowing my palate to enjoy this canopy of elegance”  
“Writers” he says shaking his head with disappointment and rolling his eyes. “It’s been forever” he says to redirect the conversation to her new book that she’s promoting.  
“What, like 6 years?”  
“9 years, 3 months and 5 days” he deadpans, and the writer is all smiles. “That’s how long you made me wait for another novel.”  
“It’s a process, my friend.” She scolds in jest.  
“Well, a lot has happened since. You’ve won an Oscar for your screenplay based on your novel, Penelope. The show you wrote about the scandal a few years back won an Emmy for best actor.” The crowd applauds and some Jasper Jordan fans howl.  
“Thank you” she directs to the audience.

“And this is your fourth novel, _The Sickle _” he says presenting the book to the public. “Now, your first novel, _Five Colored Stones _focused on a mother and daughter relationship whereas this is centered on father and son. You’ve said in the past, that you, as most writers do, write what you know. So…” Lexa knew where he was going but was trying to avoid going there.____  
“Yeah, so, in the novel, the protagonist doesn’t know who his father is and has always blamed all of his emotional and identity problems with the fact that he doesn’t know where he comes from. Then, by complete coincidence, he encounters a man that he thinks could be his biological father and the plot develops around that premise.”  
“Yes, it’s pretty dark but also, as your writing tends to be, extremely humorous in your bleak, dark way.”  
“Well thank you.”  
“But you really didn’t respond to what I was hinting at.” The writer smiles and plays dumb.  
“Yes, I write what I know” the host has a huge grin on his face.  
“Let me be more direct. Was _The Sickle _influenced by your relationship with your father in any way, as we know your previous novels have been slightly based on your life?”  
“I absolutely write what I know” she reemphasizes, and he knew that it was all he would get from the evasive writer. __

__

_____ _

“Well, I thoroughly enjoyed it, and have been recommending it to everyone.”  
“Wow, thank you, ‘everyone’ is a lot of people. My publishers are forever grateful.” The host is amused by the writer’s wit as he continues the interview.  
“What will your next project be? Film or literature?”  
“I don’t even know what I’m doing after this interview.” He laughs at her candor.  
“So, how do you decide what to write next?”  
“It’s a very complicated, mysterious process” she dramatizes again eliciting a smile from the host. “Not at all, actually. It all depends on how bored I am and how badly I need money.” The entire studio laughs at her final statement delivered in her usual frankness, the perfect time to cut to commercial.  
“Ladies and gentlemen, Lexa Woods!”

 

***  
Clarke was all smiles as she watched Lexa’s interview on her ipad from the comfort of her bed. She knew that Lexa had written the novel based on her relationship with her father Lexa called her while she was in the desert where she found him in debt, drunk and sickly. She faced her demons she’d ignored for so many years and her novel was her way of processing it. Clarke was happy when the writer reached out and was deeply moved by the novel that was sent to her by mail a few weeks before it came out. They had maintained contact for the three years that Lexa was away, chatting every few months to catch up and to share news. The writer is very much aware of the new person in her friend’s life and has done her fair share of listening and supporting the artist. 

The artist mutes the device and turns on her bedside lamp when she hears something in the hall. She grins realizing who it was when her door is opened cautiously by a dark figure. 

“It’s ok, sweetie, come in.” The figure walks in, still a bit hesitant. “Everything ok? Did you have a bad dream again?” the girl nods almost like she was ashamed to be sacred awake at her age.  
“I can’t fall back asleep” she says, her whimper a little hoarse.  
“Do you want me to read to you?” the girl nods her head walking towards her. “Come on babe” she says as she makes room for her in the bed. The girl, no older than ten, joins her and immediately finds warmth and comfort in the artist’s arms. 

She’s suffered nightmares for most of her life as she’s dealt with her fair share of trauma with her abusive foster homes and drug addict mother who gave up all rights to her at age 5. As difficult as it was the first couple of years, Clarke wouldn’t trade it for the world. She had instantly felt a connection with the girl who was 7 when they first met. She saw the troubled child with dark curls, a rigid scowl and defensive attitude that attempted to hide the sad girl crying to be heard and loved. The artist looked deep into her hazel eyes and instantly knew that it was meant to be. 

Three years later, with necessary counseling, unconditional love, support, understanding from Clarke and her people, the girl felt like she was safe, loved and home with the artist who some months ago, asked her to be her daughter. Surprised and overwhelmed with joy, she accepted and for the first time called Clarke, mom, making the artist happier than she could ever imagine.

After twenty minutes of reading from the girl’s favorite book of myths, she doses off in her mother’s arms. Clarke kisses her forehead and lays her down gently on her pillow tucking her in snug and whispering “Goodnight, Madi.” 

 

***  
“Hello”  
“Lex” the voice was frantic. “Please, I need you. I don’t think I can do this alone.”  
“Cos, slow down, what’s wrong?”  
“It’s Maya.” She can barely get keep it together to say her name. “She’s gone, Lex, she’s gone.” The writer was speechless. “Jasper is out of control, I can’t do it all. Please, come home” she manages in between sobs.

Besides being Jasper’s one true love, Maya was also Costia’s best friend. Lexa had the pleasure of spending a few weeks in Europe with the sweet, down to earth woman that grounded her high-strung narcissist actor boyfriend. The writer knows what she means to her Ex and would of course cut her book tour short to be with her and Jasper.

“Ok, I’ll take the first flight out.” she says being strong for the woman falling apart on the other end of the receiver. 

 

***  
Lexa took the Red Eye after her interview and arrived before sunrise on the West coast. She takes the time to settle into her house in which she hasn’t set foot for over three years. Everything was as she had left it, and as she took in her space, certain emotions of comfort and familiarity were evoked bringing a smile to her face. 

She goes for a run, a new addiction she’s acquired, to enjoy the ocean breeze and by 7am was parked outside of Clarke’s house waiting patiently for the blonde knowing that she would leave for school momentarily. Right on schedule the artist walks out more radiant than ever with her portfolio and sizeable canvas bag that she throws in the back of her car. She calls after Madi reminding her to grab her lunch and as she turns, she catches a glimpse of the writer walking towards her. After she double takes, the shock seeps in, shortly followed by pure glee. 

The writer isn’t at all surprised that her body still reacted the same as it always had around Clarke. Her nerves get to her and she trembles lightly as her heart beat picks up the pace as she comes closer, until finally, she’s enveloped by the artist’s welcoming arms. Lexa holds on tight and melts into her embrace taking in her scent, breath, heat, her everything. 

“Good morning, beautiful.”  
“What are you doing here?” the blonde asks still entwined in the bear hug.  
“I have some things to take care of, but I wanted to see you first. It’s been a long time.” Clarke was delighted as they take a moment to process their reunion.  
“It’s good to see you” she says noticing that her green eyes were a lighter shade than she’s used to.  
“You too, Clarke, look at you, you’re beaming” the blonde’s complexion reveals her, and neither can stop smiling. At that moment, Madi comes walking out with her back pack and lunch at hand. Lexa notices her first and just when she didn’t think she could feel more joy she is overcome with emotions seeing Clarke’s daughter for the first time. She had viewed a few photos of the girl sent as texts but to meet her in person and to feel her energy was something entirely different. 

“Madi, I want you to meet Lexa.” The girl knows the face from pictures around the house and the name from Clarke and all of her friends and family, so she wasn’t as shy as she normally would be with strangers. Lexa gets on her knee to meet the girl eye to eye.  
“Hey, Madi, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you” she says putting her hand out for her to shake.  
“Hi. Thank you for the books” the girl says out of context as she shakes her hand. Lexa had been sending books as gifts for her birthday and the holidays for the past three years. It brings a smile to Lexa’s face knowing that she was able to be a part of the girl’s life while she was gone.  
“You’re very welcome. I’m glad you’re a bookworm” The girl returns the smile feeling comfortable around the writer, something that doesn’t happen often as she’s pretty guarded, but there was something about Lexa that she seemed to trust.  
“Why do Rae and O call you, Heda?” the girl inquires as the writer stands. Clarke smiles pleased with how their first meeting went but looks at her watch and snaps out of her musings and Lexa notices that she had taken up too much of their morning.  
“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you when we have more time.”  
“We have to go, babe. You’re going to be late.”  
“Ok, see you next time” the girl says waving and making her way to the front seat. 

“Well, that was… awesome” the writer says.  
“She’s pretty amazing. Sorry to end this, but we have to go.”  
“Yeah, no, of course.”  
“But if you’re around this weekend, come by on Saturday I’m having some people for dinner.”  
“A dinner party?”  
“Something like that.”  
“I’ll be there.”  
“Great, and feel free to bring somebody.” The writer’s feet abruptly fall back to the ground with that comment after a morning of walking on clouds. They were good friends, Clarke was a mother now, and has been seeing someone, of course it’s only natural.  
“Ok, thanks.”  
"Welcome home, Lex" Clarke kisses her hand and motions it towards the brunette before shutting her door. Lexa sees them off and waves. The artist looks back at the writer from her rear-view mirror and her daughter can tell that there was something different with her and smiles to herself.

 

***  
_A year and a half ago more or less ___

____

_Lexa wakes to her phone vibrating. She immediately mutes it not wanting to wake the ebony woman sleeping soundly next to her. She sees that it was Clarke and immediately gets up to take the call on her sofa._

____

_“Clarke, is everything ok?” it was late even for the west coast and the writer was worried. ___  
_“Hey yeah, sorry for calling so late.”_  
_“Your never have to apologize for calling.”_  
_“I’m just, having a really hard week.”_  
_“What happened?”_  
_“It’s Madi. She ran away again.”_  
_“Shit, is she ok? Did you call the police?” The writer momentarily went on overprotective mode._  
_“She’s ok. She’s home now, sleeping” Clarke assures her friend. “It’s just… so exhausting” the blonde’s tone said it all and her voice cracks to admit her doubt. “I don’t know if I can do this. I knew it would be hard, but to live it is nothing that I could have prepared for.”_  
_“What triggered it this time?”_  
_“She got in trouble at school for getting in a fight with a kid during recess.”_  
_“She’s a feisty little bookworm isn’t she? I’m sure there was a reason.”_  
_“She said he was teasing her friend, you know typical kid stuff, but she lost control and really hurt the kid. After she'd made so much progress on her anger management with her new counselor.”_  
_“I get it, kids can be cruel.”_  
_“Yeah, but it’s not an excuse for violence.” ___  
_“True, so what happened?” ___  
_“We had a meeting with her counselor and the principal and she refused to apologize.” ___  
_“Hmmm” the writer was intrigued by the child’s psyche. ___  
_“We go home and my attempt to reason with her failed and she completely lost control again, so I sent her to her room. Next thing I know I have the entire city looking for her. Maybe I don’t have it in me.” ___  
_“Clarke, Of course, you do. What you’re doing is the most meaningful, important and challenging experience one can go through. It is a privilege and great responsibility and you are worthy of it.” _  
_“Lexa, she hates me. She verbally and physically makes this clear almost every day.”___

_____ _

_____ _

_“They’re moments Clarke. We all have them. You have good ones too. I know because you’ve told me, like the first time she hugged you and thanked you for making her lunch.” Clarke grins remembering the moment and how happy she was that she immediately told all her friends. “You already know deep down what I’m telling you. She is your daughter, your love for her is what will see you through all the difficult moments.” The blonde starts to sniffle before flat out bawling releasing all the stress from the long week. “Resilience, Clarke. Your love makes you more resilient. Be there for her, believe in her, love her, listen to her and repeat, until she realizes that your love is without condition.” ___  
_“Lexa.”_  
_“Yeah?”  
_“Thank you.”__

_____ _

_____ _

_This would get the blonde through the night and in the morning, she would follow through with her intention. She was grateful for the brunette’s insight and empathetic view of Madi, as an abused, abandoned little girl who doesn’t know how to deal with all of the complex emotions she experiences at such a heightened level for her age. The artist could always count on her friend to remind her of what she’s always known and to see the big picture. ___


	2. Tether

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :-)
> 
> Warning: Mention of minor character death

The young nurse’s life ended with an aneurism while at work. Unpredictable and without a known cause or reason, her friends and family didn’t believe it when they were first informed. Costia was reading through scripts and Jasper was with his closest friend, Monty, working on a soundtrack for his latest movie when they received the news. All met at the hospital and the two actors fell apart in each other’s arms. The family has been handling all preparations while Jasper numbs himself with prescription pills. Monty and Costia were glad to see Lexa to get some much-needed relief from Jasper duty.

“Hey, you must be Lexa, I’m Monty.” He shakes her hand.  
“Monty, right, the best friend. How are they holding up?”  
“Not so good. He hasn’t left his room for two days. He refuses to go to the wake and funeral. He won’t listen to anyone.” Just then Costia slams Jasper’s door shut. She’s furious at her friend for being so selfish and that, mixed with her own sadness brings her to tears as she comes down the stairs. She sees Lexa and walks straight into her arms holding on tight as she bawls into her chest. She missed the writer more than she would ever admit to her and she was so happy to feel her body and hear her voice.  
“Hi, Cos.”  
“You’re really here” she sobs.  
“It’s ok, I’m here.” 

The two women spend the afternoon together and Lexa makes dinner for the household, of course Jasper refuses to join. After their meal, the writer takes matters into her own hands and barges into his room without knocking. She finds Jasper in his boxers sprawled out on the ground in the dark staring into the ceiling. She turns on the lights to get his attention. 

“What the fuck?!” He squints his eyes pissed and looks up at the dark figure above him. “Woods?”  
“Jasper” she says pulling him up from the ground.  
“What the fuck are you doing here?”  
“I’ve come to pay my condolences, support Costia and make sure that you do the right thing.”  
“There’s nothing left for me to do. Why doesn’t anyone understand that?”  
“Jasper, I can’t begin to comprehend the pain you are in right now and I’m so sorry, man. It shouldn’t be this way.”  
“Well, it is, and so do me a favor and fuck off so I can fade into nothing in peace.” Lexa rolls her eyes at his usual dramatics.  
“I’m sure that seems like a nice option at the moment, but you’re not in the right state of mind to make those kinds of decisions” she says pulling him up off the ground.  
“Fuck you!”  
“Jasper, be sad, be angry feel everything that comes with the loss, but you need to accept that you’re not the only one hurting.” It doesn’t seem to affect the actor now laying on his bed turning on his tv. Lexa grabs the remote and turns off the machine annoyed at the actor.  
“Hey, asshole!”  
“Jasper, Maya is gone.” Someone had to say it and the writer was sick of playing his childish games. “If you have any respect for her or the people that love her, you’ll stop acting like you’re the only one that lost her.” This triggered something in the actor who reacted by charging at his friend who immediately runs out of the room and down the stairs. 

Monty and Costia are startled by all the noise and watch their half naked friend chasing after the writer who puts the couch between her and the madman.  
“Fucking asshole!” he screams his friends don’t know how to react actually glad that he left his room. “Your books are garbage, you pretentious fuck!”  
“Get over yourself and be the fucking man that Maya loved!” Hearing her name set off the actor again and propelled him over the couch with all the momentum to tackle the writer to the ground. “Fuck” she breathes as she feels it everywhere. She then grabs his wrists to keep them from her face, but she didn’t expect him to headbutt her. That’s when Monty pulls his friend off of the writer. “Christ!” she cries in pain.  
“Fuck, Jasper! You broker her nose!” Costia scorns as she helps her up.  
Monty grabs ice wrapped in a towel and brings it to the women. The actor seems to regain composure as he catches his breath and looks to Costia who had lost her best friend that she’s known since childhood. His friend who hasn’t been able to mourn because she had to take care of him first.  
“What time should I be ready tomorrow?” he asks without inflection. Costia and Monty look at each other.  
“We need to leave by 10” Monty answers.  
“Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow morning then” they stare at him in shock.  
“Ok, I’ll have coffee ready for you” Costia responds in a calm voice.  
“Thanks” he says getting up to walk back upstairs, but before he does, he turns to his friends. “Sorry about your nose, Woods. I’m glad you’re here.” 

 

***  
After the funeral, Lexa keeps it low key spending time with Tris and her moms and visiting Gustus and Echo at the tattoo studio. Nevertheless, she was at Costia’s beck and call. When the actress needed to talk, to cry or just couldn’t be alone, the writer was there. 

“Ahhh,” the writer moans as Echo hits a sensitive spot on around her elbow where she was having a tattoo retouched.  
“You’ve gotten soft, Heda.”  
“Just been a minute” she says texting the actress with her free hand. It was unlike the writer to not be present with her people, so the tattoo artist pries.  
“How’s Costia?”  
“She’s hurting, but she’ll be ok.”  
“Are you two a thing again?”  
“Why ever would you think that?”  
“Just curious. I haven’t seen you in three years, trying to put the pieces together” Her friend defends.  
“We’re good friends, she’ll be at Clarkes tomorrow” the tattooist doesn’t try to hide her lack enthusiasm.  
“Oh, cool.”  
“I guess. I was hoping for a day off from friend duty, but Anya invited her. You know how she gets at funerals.” Echo grins visualizing the whole scene, knowing that the agent tends to ramble when she’s uncomfortable.  
“Sounds like something she would do.”  
“So, will Clarke’s lady friend be there?” she asks casually.  
“She should be, she usually is.”  
“Right, of course why wouldn’t she be” Lexa says trying to hide her disappointment causing her friend to shake her head and snicker.  
“You’re hopeless.”  
“What do you think of her?”  
“I don’t know her well. Clarke doesn’t want to get too serious with anyone since her focus is Madi.” the writer nods in agreement. “But she seems to get Clarke, I mean they’re both working single parents.”  
“Uh huh” Lexa says remembering Clarke talk about her briefly on the phone a few months ago. “I’m happy if she’s happy” and they leave it at that. 

Lexa is happy to see that Gustus’s business and community center was doing well while Echo and Bellamy are happily engaged. Although, when she asks about Lincoln, they had very little to say, same result as when she asked Anya. They tell her to talk to him, something she hasn’t done in almost a year. He was very quick with her on the phone after he read her novel and has ignored most of her attempts to talk or made up excuses to avoid her. She planned to see him after everything settled down with Jasper and Costia, she’ll just have to wait a little longer.

 

***  
“Hey, you made it” Clarke says delighted to see Lexa who couldn’t help but stare at the blonde’s bright eyes and smile. The artist was glowing, and it was like seeing her the first time.  
“Wow, um, hi… you’re um... hey, Clarke” _Smooth. _Lexa wondered why she was more affected than usual. The Sky Girl has reduced her to a mumbling gay mess. The blonde wasn’t oblivious and couldn’t help the heat rising form her chest up her neck. Luckily Costia was right on cue returning from the car where she was finishing up a call with her agent.__  
“I’m officially all yours for-” she says walking up to the door with a bouquet of flowers before realizing they weren’t alone. “Hi, Clarke. It’s been a long time. Here, these are for you.”  
“Wow, they’re gorgeous. Thank you.” the artist says accepting the flowers and a peck on the cheek from the taller, tanner woman that had slightly darker blue eyes than she. The artist knew that she was attending but didn’t expect to feel the weird tinge of anxiety from receiving her famous doppelgänger.

__

Lexa follows the two women into the house hoping the situation would diffuse itself. Tris immediately runs into her arms with a big smile calling her name from the top of her lungs.

“Heeeedddaaaaa!”  
“Sunshine!”  
“Come play with me!”  
“Ok, but first can we say hi to our friends?” She nods her head her eyes wide with excitement. Poor Costia had lost her date to the golden-haired toddler, but Anya would make sure she was comfortable and included since she was responsible for inviting her. Lexa makes her way to Raven, Echo and finally her sister in-law.  
“Queen Octavia, more radiant than ever, where’s your other half?” She kisses and hugs the shorter woman.  
“He had plans with your Uncle” Lexa wasn’t buying it.  
“Uh huh, well, I’m glad you’re here.”  
“I missed you, Heda. Welcome home.”

“Clarke, should I open the red or wh- Oh my Goddess” an unfamiliar woman with abundant, ginger locks that fell past her shoulders stops dead in her tracks in complete awe of the actress.  
“Hi, I’m Costia, Lexa’s friend” she says offering her hand. Star struck, she remained speechless but managed to close her mouth and shake her hand.  
“Costia, this is Luna” Clarke says saving her girlfriend who finally snaps out of it.  
“Sorry, wow, I just, um sorry, you’re just, so…” Clarke than redirects her to Lexa before it got worse. The actress was sweet about it, she’s pretty grounded for as big of a Hollyowod star as she was. The writer had prepared for this moment and was glad to have her godchild as a buffer.  
“And this is Lexa.”  
“Charmed. You should definitely open the red” the writer says.  
“I can see you have great taste” Luna says taking on a completely different persona with the writer.  
“Can we play now?” Tris asks, working perfectly for the writer who felt that her charm would get her nowhere with this one, so she opts for some Tris time.  
“Yeah, the girls are with Bell” Clarke says.  
“Perfect, I can handle that.” She grabs a beer as a peace offering to Bellamy and makes her way with Tris still holding on tight.  
“O, you come too!” the toddler commands and so she obeys. 

 

The group was less then excited to see the writer and she welcomed the peace and quiet of the group. Madi had been anticipating seeing Lexa again but was pretty involved in the game. Her friend was more interested in Bellamy than the game. 

“How’s it going Kru?”  
“Looks like Bell is being ousted by the girls” Octavia ovserves.  
“Words aren’t my strong suit.”  
“No one’s perfect” Lexa says handing him a beer. “Good to see you, Bellamy.” He nods and accepts her offering, time seemed to soften his attitude towards her but the writer likes to give Echo most of the credit.  
“Heda, welcome back.””  
“That’s a weird name.”  
“Her brother called her Heda because he couldn’t say her name when he was little.” Madi explains to her friend.  
“You’ve done your research.”  
“Mom finally told me.”  
“So, what’s your real name?”  
“Alexandria.”  
“What do you call her, Madi.”  
“Lexa.”  
“Me too then.”  
“And you are?”  
“Sarah. What happened to your nose?”  
“I’m out” Madi says putting down her last word TETHER. Lexa was glad to avoid the question.  
“Well played young lady.” The girl shrugs like it was nothing.  
“Madi can we read books.”  
“Sure” she’s been wanting a chance to show Lexa her library and hoped she would join them.  
“Heda comes too” the toddler insists.

 

“Did she ask about Linc?”  
“Yeah, what did you tell her.”  
“That he’s with Gustus.”  
“How do they not talk for months? I can’t go a week without calling you.”  
“What can I say, you’re special in that needy big brother way.”  
“You love it.”  
“I humor you.”

 

Lexa was impressed with the girl’s collection and how orderly it was, organized by genre and author. 

“I like what you did with the place, very nice.”  
“Thanks.”  
“What are you reading these days?”  
“Not too much, just books for school but they’re pretty easy so I started the _Hobbit. _”__  
“Excellent choice, Bookworm. How’s school going?”  
“Ok, I guess. We get to choose instruments next year and I already know what I want to play.”  
“Trumpet?” the girl makes a funny face. “Accordion?” she rolls her eyes. “What?”  
“Cello.”  
“Oh, nice! Gotta say, I pictured you as a guitarist.”  
“Really? Grams wants me to play the piano on the side.” Lexa smirks at hearing Abby being referred to as Grams.  
“Not interested?”  
“I want to learn the guitar so I can write songs.”  
“That’s really cool, Madi.”  
“Mom thinks so too. Oh, you should come guitar shopping with us tomorrow!” The girl was thrilled with her idea and so was Lexa but she didn’t want to impose.  
“You’ll have to ask your mom first.”  
“Ok, I’m sure she won’t mind. She’s really happy you’re back.” Lexa’s heart falls to her stomach and her entire body was electrified to hear the young girl’s words. The writer snaps out of it as Tris finds her favorite book on space and shoves it in her face to read. They’re eventually joined by Sarah who pulls out her phone while Madi reads on her bed and Lexa to Tris on the ground.

____

Lexa is totally at home with the kids and forgets about the adults in the other room. Clarke walks by on her way to the bathroom catching a glimpse of them. She takes in the scene from the hall and can’t help the butterflies fluttering in her stomach. It was normal, Lexa’s always had that effect on her, and so she chalks it up to the joy of having her friend back in her life.

 

***  
“Look who decided to join the party.”  
“Yeah, yeah” she says dismissing her friends. “How are you doing?” She asks her plus one. “Sorry for disappearing.”  
“I’ve heard that before” she quips. “You’re lucky your friends are nice” she pours another glass of red wine of which she’s had a few glasses already and leans in close to the writer. Clarke notices but immediately ignores it by ushering everyone to their seats.  
“Look at you, tipsy” the writer says to her friend who was acting more coquettish than usual. “I’m cutting you off, you’re my ride.” It was her first time drinking since Maya’s death and it was affecting the actress who’s been dealing with an array of emotions lately.  
“I’ve only had two.”  
“Perfect, so this is for me” she says taking it form the actress who responds with an adorable pouty face that doesn’t work on the brunette who leads her to the table and, as the gentlewoman she is, pulls out the seat for her friend. Clarke notices and was reminded of the writer’s best qualities.

“So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to make a toast” the writer announces before sitting down. They all raise their glass without hesitation mostly eager to start eating. “So, thank you, Clarke, and Luna” she turns to opposing ends of the table to address the women, “for bringing new and old friends together” she winks at Madi to emphasize ‘new’.  
“Well said, Heda” Raven seconds as they all clink their glasses. “Salud!”

 

The hosts were showered with complements on the meal, bottles of wine were accumulated with the memories rehashed, stories told, and laughter shared. Madi enjoyed listening to the adults she trusted and loved converse, and wasn’t shy to ask or respond to questions, having developed emotionally and intellectually quicker than most kids her age with all of her experiences, therapy and in general her precocious nature. Lexa loved every bit of it, impressed by the results of Clarke’s dedication, patience, and unconditional love for her daughter.

“May I be excused?” Madi asks Clarke.  
“No desert? I made vegan brownies.” Luna asks disappointed.  
“Sorry, Luna. I’m pretty full” Madi says.  
“Me too” Sara echoes wanting nothing more than to watch TV in the other room.  
“More for me. I’ll have theirs” Lexa declares as Luna goes to the kitchen for her vegan delight.  
“You feel ok, babe?”  
“Yeah, just tired.”  
“Ok, go ahead, keep it down though, Tris is sleeping.”  
“Ok, oh, and before I forget, can Lexa come guitar shopping with us tomorrow?”  
“I don’t see why not” she says looking at the writer who had a big grin on her face, “if she wants to, she’s welcome.”  
“Can you?” she asks the writer.  
“I would love to.”  
“Cool. Gnight everyone.”  
“Goodnight girls” they all say in unison. 

“So, what time should I come over?” Costia had been observing the dynamic between them all night but it wasn’t until that moment that she realized she had made a huge mistake.  
“Oh my God” she blurts out. They all look at her perplexed.  
“What’s wrong Cos?” Lexa asks as the actress shakes her head in disbelief.  
“You. I can’t believe I let this happen again.”  
“Oh boy, here we go” Echo says under her breath looking to the others at the other end of the table.  
“What are you talking about?” the brunette asks genuinely confused.  
“You’re still in love with her, she’s always going to be first. And I was stupid enough to think that maybe we could…” the blonde was too embarrassed to finish her thought as she looks at Clarke, who was feeling pretty uncomfortable, and is reminded of what a fool she’s been to think that Lexa ever loved her the way she loved Clarke, yet here she was thinking that it was still possible for them. She’s confused the writer’s friendship and loyalty for something she’s always wanted from her, but would never get. So, she leaves, ashamed and upset with herself more than anyone else. “I’m so sorry, I have to go.”

“Wait, Costia!” Lexa goes after her as Luna comes back with the desert to a table of silence and awkwardness. Lexa goes after her in the street and gets her to talk. “What happened in there?”  
“Something that I should’ve seen years ago, you’ve never loved me.”  
“I care about you, that’s why I came back.”  
“I know, you’re a good friend. I just thought… we never really ended it the first time, and you’ve been so wonderful… that I…”  
“I’m sorry if I mislead you in any way, I’m just trying to be here for you the best way I know how.”  
“I know, don’t you see? You’ll never be able to be happy, not with me or anyone else.” This was a surprising turn of the conversation that the writer wasn’t expecting or appreciating. “I thought it was me all this time, but now I see that it’s you. You’re still tethered, and you always will be.” The writer was completely ambushed by an onslaught of her friend’s pent up emotions mixed with a few glasses of wine. The actress opens her car door.  
“Costia, don’t go alone.” She’s sincerely concerned for her friend’s wellbeing and feels more responsible than ever.  
“I need time, Lexa. I can't be around you.” The writer understood but still didn’t feel good about it. 

 

Lexa slowly walks back to the house and didn’t realize Clarke was outside waiting for her.

“Hey, are you ok?”  
“Clarke, sorry, about that.”  
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”  
“I usually know when I do, but honestly, this time I had no idea.”  
“Lex, she’s hurt. She loves you.”  
“We’re friends, Clarke. We had a few good months in Europe but I thought I made it clear that that’s all it was.”  
“Just because you verbalize it, doesn’t mean that people can just turn off how they feel or what they want.” The blonde knew this better than anyone else.  
“God, she’s right”  
“About what?”  
“I’m doomed to be alone.”  
“Nonesense, you’ve got your people and so much love to give that it’s hard not to fall in love with you." Lexa turns to her gaze causing the blonde's eyes to wander away from hers. "She’s hurting and dealing with multiple losses and it’s going to suck for a while, but she’ll be ok.”  
“Do I give her space? I’m really concerned.”  
“Play it by ear. Check in on her and see how she reacts.”  
“Yeah, you’re right.”  
“Come on, you’ve got vegan brownies waiting for you.”

There was absolutely no doubt in Lexa’s mind that Costia was right about one thing, she’s always been and always will be tethered to Clarke fucking Griffin, her best friend and love of her life.


End file.
